That's My Seat !!

19:15 Hours : My car screeches to a halt outside Netaji Subhash Chandra Bose Airport. Shucks.. The heat has deprived me of two liters of water and even a pig would smell better. The driver hands me the requisition slip and like a dutiful manager I fill out all the details like closing km, time etc etc. I get out of the car and survey the departure area. Not much of a crowd.

19:16 Hours : My body is craving for nicotine. I take out my packet and light the cigarette. Before my car speeds away I flick the matchbox back to my driver to save myself the embarrassment of having to fish out the inflammable item at the security check in. As I take a long drag, I see a No-Smoking sign – Do I stub out my cigarette? No way .. I join the gang of ten other offenders who are desperately puffing away.

19:19 Hours: A yellow cab halts in front of me. And out comes a cute looking girl – and the predatory male in me starts surveying his prey. Hmmm.. nice figure, good sense of dressing and a great perfume. But then I belong to the race of those shameful losers in their mid twenties who like starry eyed teenagers keep gawking at girls. I look the other way and send a silent prayer to the heavens –“ God forgive me for all those sins that I have committed. Can I get to sit beside her in the flight? “

19:21 hours: A smart looking fellow asks me if I am taking the Jet flight. I say yes. And then he whips out his hand held terminal, punches a few keys and asks which seat I want ? Suddenly that girl appears .. and I see her proceeding towards the counter .. Shit, I should have been at the counter ..The only Jet flight that’s going to take off in the next hour is the Mumbai one … I would have heard which seat she was taking and then ….. What the hell … I think I am the world’s greatest sinner .. - . I look at the guy -- why the fuck did you have to see me ? Well, my brain is working over time and is on the verge of over heating – and then he says –“Sir, which seat do you want? “ .. I want to chop off your head … Then I do some quick calculations – hmmm.. girls usually like window seats – gazing at the city lights and squealing in delight .. I decide to confront the laws of probability once and for all … and I say “ Middle Seat” – “ But Sir – I have aisle seats – 10C “ – “ Middle seat” .. I say firmly. Probably this is the last time he would see a passenger taking a middle seat so easily .. he gives me the boarding pass. – 10E

19:35 hours: I have never prayed so fervently. Even the Gods are being stirred from their yogic sleep. Like a hawk I scan the waiting area and Voila !! I zero in onto my prey. She’s beautiful .. a mole on the upper lip .. I am going weak in my knees. And she’s reading “The 3 Mistakes of my life “. I feel like walking up to her and telling her – “Ma’m I just made the first mistake .. I should have checked in at the counter.” Hmmm… I am planning my move. I’ll take a cup of coffee and sit beside her and then start off a conversation. In a few minutes I shall have enamored her with my charms and got her mobile number. She looks distinctly Bong. Petite .. Hmmm.. Have I finally found my match?

19:38 hours: The waiting area is sparsely populated. What will she think if I go and sit beside her? And a voice inside me says .. Abe hero .. chance to le…
In twenty seconds I am sitting beside her. She does not even look at me. She’s engrossed in the book – Page 43. No ring – Good. And then that weird mobile blares the Airtel tune .. and she’s whispering into the phone. I want to snatch that mobile and throw it into the dustbin.

19:45 hours: Time’s running out. The call ends. My cup’s empty and I am going to make the first move. And then that sound Beep Beep – Beep Beep. THE SMS. And she’s smiling. I am going to cut off the fingers of the guy who’s SMSing her.

20:00 hours: I have given up. With my tail between my legs I walk to the security check in area. Thankfully the metal detector does not detect anything alarming. Thud Thud … The security guy stamps my boarding pass and deems me fit to board the plane.

20:10 hours: I am among the first passengers to board the flight. I am on 10E. And I am grumpy. I sit like a school kid who has not been given his daily quota of candy bars. There is a steady stream of passengers. And then I spot her… She’s walking towards me.. I wait with bated breath. And I am again praying. She has come close and then she gives me a nice smile – no girl has ever smiled at me like that – ‘Hi ! I think you are sitting on the wrong seat. “I have gone blank. I am staring at her.. Gosh ! She’s beautiful .. “ Helloooo…” I am back to my senses. This is the moment to floor her. I fish out my boarding pass and show it to her. “But 10E is mine.” She smiles at me. “ That’s fine… But you are sitting on 10B ! That’s my seat !” I look up at the seat indicators … She’s right .. And the world comes crashing down ! I smile sheepishly at her .. pick up my tail and sit on 10E. I am still shocked. And then the killer .. There comes a handsome dude .. sits on 10C and before I can blink my eyes he’s started talking to her… Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr….. Now I want to kill him.

20:15 hours: I am praying to ghost of H.G Wells asking for a time machine. I should have taken 10C. Me and my smart brain. Probability theory – trash it. I look to my left. They are talking like long lost friends… I close my eyes and slap myself a hundred times. Me and my fate.

( This work of “art” is dedicated to all those males who scan the railway reservation charts looking for any F 23’s sitting near their seats. This is also dedicated to souls who are JP Platinum Card holders and yet when they enter the airport they have only one prayer on their lips .. “ God. Forgive me for my sins. Can I get to sit beside a nice girl ??? “ )